Joe Galaxy® Podcast Episode 4
In this episode, we discuss empathy, its importance and how to practice more of it. Enjoy!
Below is the transcript for this week’s podcast:
Hello, this is Michelle with JoeGalaxy.NET. You can connect with us by emailing info@joegalaxy.net. If you have not already done so, be sure to take a moment now to subscribe to this podcast. You can subscribe by visiting UniversalIPOD.NET and subscribing to our rss feed there, as well as our iTunes podcast which is linked on the right hand side of the main page. You can also find us in iTunes by going to the podcast directory and searching for Joe Galaxy. We hope you enjoy this week’s podcast.
People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
What is empathy? The dictionary definition of empathy is the intellectual identification of the thoughts, feelings, or state of another person. But what does that really mean? And what is the importance of empathizing with someone else?
Empathy is different from sympathy in that sympathy is a purely emotional understanding of what someone else is going through (and usually the most negative aspect of it); whereas empathy is more of an intelligent understanding of what someone else is going through, while also understanding and feeling the full spectrum of feelings that that person may be having about that issue. Imagine if you will that sympathy comes from the root chakra, which is the chakra located the base of your spine and associated with being grounded and nurturing and familial; while empathy comes in through the root chakra as well as the crown chakra (located just above the crown of your head and associated with intuitive knowing and connection to the whole), and these two streams of understundig come together and are expressed out through your heart chakra. You could say that sympathy is closer to pity in a sense, and empathy is more related to compassion.
If you light a lamp for somebody, it will also brighten your path.
When we first moved out to California, we lived in a pretty crummy neighborhood. And in that neighborhood there was an old homeless woman who would spend her time in the middle of a parking lot in a small shopping center. We saw this woman a great many times, and felt really bad for her because she was a much older woman out on the streets by herself in an area that didn’t seem to be very safe. After giving her a few dollars here and there, we decided to go out to Walmart and buy all of the things for her that we would think that one would want in that situation, like portable personal hygene products, hats, food, a radio, basically everything that we could think of. We stuffed it all into a duffel bag and brought it to her, thinking we were really going to make her day. When we presented the stuff to her, she would only take the trashbags and the money. Further more, she seemed uncomfortable and put off that we had done this for her. Why? We had felt sympathy for her in trying to do something helpful for her, but she didn’t ask for, nor accept what we had presented her. In retrospect, we would have been the greatest help to her by asking her what she wanted and what would be helpful to her from her point of view (and not our point of view). If we had taken the time to gain an empathetic understanding of her situation, we may have had better results.
Once, when I was younger, I had a good friend who had lost her job. She came to my house and was obviously very upset. When she told me what she was upset about, I was pretty surprised because she had constantly complained of hating that job. I, insensitively, replied with a tale of how I too had been fired once. I thought that she would feel better by knowing that I too had had this experience before, but she certainly did not look like I had been any help to her, and she left my house shortly after that looking more disgruntled than when she had come in. Why? I though my tale would help her feel better when in reality I was marginalizing her experience and avoiding really dealing with. In retrospect, I could have shown more empathy and instead replied: “I am really sorry to hear that. Do you want to tell me about it?” and then really listen to what she had to say. I could have then found our how she really felt about it and why was it so worrisome if she had in fact hated that job? I could have been of much more use to her if I had really listened to her, and even if I didn’t have any golden nuggets of advice, she may have felt much better having worked it all out in her mind by telling me about it.
So perhaps you are ready to try flexing your empathy muscle a bit more, but you are out of the habit? Try these tips:
1st rule is listen, really listen. Listen with your ears, eyes and heart. Pay attention to others’ body language, to their tone of voice, to the hidden emotions behind what they are saying to you, and to the context.
2nd is don’t interrupt. Don’t dismiss their concerns offhand. Don’t rush to give advice. Don’t change the subject. Allow people their moment.
3rd, tune in their non-verbal communication. People can often say one thing but their subtext is telling you something much different. Don’t miss this.
4th, be fully present. Don’t think about what to say next, or how you feel about what they’re saying, give them your full undivided and unabashed attention.
Imagine turning “you” off for a moment and be purely there for them. Listen with your heart and mind and enjoy the feeling of sharing an experience seen through someone else’s eye!You may be asking yourself, why? What is the point of really focusing on empathizing with others?
Remember there’s no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.
To allow yourself to be this open and vulnerable and also empowered with another person has a lot of implications. One of the most important aspects of practicing empathy is the effect it has on relationships. When one is empathetic to their spouse, and not self centered, marriages last; or when one empathizes and empowers their parents, or their children or their neighbors or whoever, their relationships take on a much deeper and more fulfilling aspect, and they feel happier and more fulfilled in their relationships, and the other person feels happier and more connected. By knocking down the false barriers of sepration of experience, you allow yourself to really connect with those you love.
That connection is really the point. We may appear to be separate in our bodies and experiences, but that appearance is misleading. From the Merchant of Venice by William Shakespear :
Hath not a Jew eyes? Hath not a Jew hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions; fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, healed by the same means, warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer as a Christian is? If you prick us do we not bleed? If you tickle us do we not laugh? If you poison us do we not die?
No matter your religion, or skin color, or gender; do we not all laugh when a baby that we are holding laughs? Do we not all cry from the loss of a loved one? Do we not all wish that every single person on this planet was fed and sheltered and educated and loved? Do we not all wish for no living creature to suffer?
You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserves your love and affection.”Point of power for this week. When you listen to someone else this week, really listen to what they are saying. Do not think about what you want to say in reponse to what they are saying or how you feel about what their saying or how what they’re saying could relate to you: listen and really understand what they are saying. Put yourself in their shoes and experience their experience as they experience it. Because when you are listening to acknowledging them, and giving love to them, you are listening to and acknowledging and giving love to yourself, which in turn is acknowledging and giving love to the ALL. When you show kindness, compassion and empathy for one, you are giving it to the all. We are all one. With love, namaste.
You shall love your neighbor as you love yourself.
